hmmm

Sam is after me to blog ... so what can I tell you all?

I have been sewing... clothes this time. I find it a bit more trying than sewing quilts but I do still enjoy it. I am going to be a dress form that I can dial my measurements into and then things can fit me better. I have made 2 dresses and a skirt and I have another skirt cut out.

It has been sunny and nice and I find life is more fun and pleasant when that is the case. Unfortunately Saturday it will be rainy and in the 40s. Our normal high for this time of the year is 70.. I am not sure if we have hit that yet or not. This is the never ending winter from Hell for me.

There is small aggravating family stuff going on ... but nothing that is worth the energy to mess with. I guess that is progress me for.

I can going to talk about something that makes me insane though. This time of the year you see people that don't work, or barely work get these huge tax returns on money that they didn't even pay in. You see some (not all) spend it like the have all sorts of money... buying TVs, tattoos.... etc... when they were begging for stuff a few months ago and will be begging again. It makes me crazy that they get to be a burden to society and then are rewarded with money and then they go and buy stuff that the average working person can't afford because we are paying for them.... UGGGHHHH!!! Makes me nutty.

Hmmm what else. I got an iphone and I love it, I spend way way too much time playing words with friends and lexulous. It is a fun toy tho.

Well things are boring and I am happy so I guess there isn't much else to tell you ... except do NOT go see The Green Zone (movie) it stinks!

Ok that is all! lol

Hat parade!!

Drawing the line

I am thankful that God allowed me to have lunch in the sunshine today. I am glad that I was grounded and warm and happy. I am glad that I was in a good and happy place because I had to deal with family issues again.

I told you that I removed all family but one nephew... well the crap hit the fan. Below is my response to the FIRST sister to contact me. I say the FIRST because I KNOW that she will talk to the others and I will have to deal with each one.

Why are we supposed to love our family more than others? Why are we supposed to feel some loyalty to them? Why are we supposed to forgive them more and give them more slack than others?

I mean if you live with them 18-20 years you ought to know them pretty well right, so if you decide as an adult that you don't like them, and if it weren't for sharing parents you wouldnt WANT to know them... is that so wrong?

It has become so clear to me that sharing dna with someone doesn't make them family.

Anyway...... here is how I dealt with the first one...

This is what I sent Pam

Wade said that you wanted to know why I am not talking to you. I haven't stopped talking to you.

I will however be totally honest here. I took off every single family member with the exception of Wade. I decided a while ago that I am not allowing drama in my life anymore. I will not have secrets, backstabbing, tattling and so on.

Frankly the first couple of statuses you had after you got on were... I wish my loved ones could get along! and Some people need to grow up! Now I don't know what was going on ... and I don't want to but I just know that you have all the family on your page and there WILL be drama.

Jami is so hateful to Wade... Beth it pitiful and makes mountains of of mole hills heath wise... jana does nothing but whine... I get 50 million farmville, cafeworld etc a day...

Now why would I WANT this in my life? I had my fill of this when mother was alive ... her legacy lives.

For some reason this family can not be happy, they can not love and trust. They can not support each other... mother made damn sure of that. Even when I think I am having a decent relationship with one of my sisters .... I find that there is STILL backstabbing.

I have worked so far to make a happy life for myself away from the lifestyle that mother and the family had. If that means that I have to limit my exposure to family to be happy then that is what I will do.

I still love you, I am still here. I just don't want all the crap that goes on ....

The role of family and friends

I will be honest I haven't been pouring my heart out in my blogs since I started this one. I guess that last one was just so hurtful that I closed off.

Now part of it is that I don't want to be bogged down in negativity, but I also find that I need a place to put those things and my blog has traditionally been that place. A place that I could say what I needed or wanted to and let it go and get on with my life. I find that at times I still need that.

So this blog will be raw and about my feelings, you were warned.

I love facebook, mostly for the word games that I play with Sheila. It has been fun to reconnect with friends from highschool and to make a few new friends too. Sadly, my family has found me. I set all my privacy settings and still through the "saner" family that I let in ... well they found me. I got friend invites from them. The first one I let in... and almost immediately the status were drama filled. Then I got the other sister's invite and I just flatly ignored it. After some thought I remember all family except Bill, Sam and a nephew. (ON MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY LOL)

Since the two sisters had joined the "online world" there has been family strife. Now I have opted out of it... I don't want it or need it in my life BUT I know it is going on.

So I tell you all of this for a reason.

I honestly don't understand why life can't be stress free among friends and family. Family and friends are supposed to be there to make life easier and better. To add a richness to your days and smiles and laughter.

Sadly my response of cutting out all the drama leaves me with few people in my life. I wonder if I am just too quick to cut it all out or if I just can't handle remaining neutral. I think remaining neutral is always hard... people expect you to take a side... if you don't take theirs then you aren't being supportive or you become an instant enemy.

The one sister than ignored... for a while she was making contact with me... and it was ok... an email here or there. She was separated from her husband and I guess she needed someone. I was that someone. Now she is back with him and doesn't need anyone else. I am not a yo yo.

This sister is the one that went to prison for stealing money.. for 18 months. I have a nephew that is gay. I have to issue with the nephew that is his private business but the sister is so mean and hateful to him... all holier than thou. She calls him a faggot and tells him he is going to hell... conveniently forgetting her own sins.

The nephew seeks my advice and I tell him that he is the one that controls what he lets into his life.... good and bad. I hope that I am not leading him to a lonely life.

Who would have thought that at 42 the people that I am around still act like 12.

Should I open things up and risk drama or should I continue to shut down the drama people? Where on EARTH do I find more DRAMALESS people to be friends with?

Ok, thank you for reading... needed to put this down

Thinking again

This is going to be about my mother, and is not a happy post... but one that I need to write. It isn't bad... just deep.

I have been talking to a family member about my mother and the way she acted and he said it sounded like she had such and such mental issue. Now I totally agree that my mother was mental but I don't think that she had this particular one.

My mother was way too calculating in other areas of her life for this to be the case... in my opinion.

All this that I am telling you is just background.

See now I have to think about ... could she really have had this... and if she did... how does that change how I view her.

It is harder to hate (or dislike) someone that is mentally sick. It is easier to hate someone that made your life miserable because they wanted to.

Am I more inclined to think she was just a witch so that I can continue to heat her... I guess that is where I am on this topic.

Thinking about it... examining it...

My daddy

I got up this morning in a great and happy mood... then I remember that it is the 5 year mark since I lost my daddy. Then I thought about it, and I realized that my daddy wouldn't want me to be all sad... he isn't! He is happy and whole and with the lord!

When my daddy was sick and dying, he said something that tickled me and I laughed, he said that he had forgotten how much I liked to laugh.

So today I am going to honor my daddy by being happy and laughing.

I hope that he hears me....

I miss you Daddy!