Oh boy

Well the day I had planned didn't really pan out like I wanted.

I went back to sleep and when I woke up I couldn't seem to stop crying....

I have battled clinical depression for 16 years. It isn't the I feel kinda sad thing it is a full blown chemical imbalance in my brain. I take medicine for it and have for years. The thing about it is that these medicines stop working or work less over time... after taking stock I realized that the medicine I was on just wasn't cutting it.

I got a new medicine today to take along with the one I am on. This is the hmmm... 5th drug I have tried in the last 6 months. The last one caused the insomnia from hell, and I had to stop taking it. I have a new one that is older and the side effect is SLEEPINESS... I can only hope lol.

So that is PART of the reason I have been struggling with my life and myself. I don't for one minute think that is the only reason.

Fact is that it is easier to wallow in the mud than to get up and go clean up. Even discounting the medicine issue I have been wallowing. I knew that before the trip to the doctor today.

You dig yourself a hole and you have to get out... medicine isnt going to fix the hole... I have been a player in THAT game for too long. So this blog is my digging out. Will the medicine help? I hope so! lol but it will only help me be able to deal.. not do the dealing if that makes sense.

Ok I tell you all that because it is a part of my climb out of this hole.

Now the day was not all fun regardless of the trip to the dr for meds! YIPPEE!! LOL

Seriously it was a kind of rough day. BUT I am going to list the things that made me happy and things I am thankful for.

I am thankful for each one of you... now this might seem like a cope out.... BUT I want to tell you why... Meanie the email about the gas and the ipod made me snort ... I NEEDED THAT so thank you! Hazy your blog about your boys made me smile.. and tear up a little bit. Sam you always make me happy, thank you for letting me vent.

I am thankful for Yoda.... bodies.. he is a special man and a wonderful friend...lol bless his heart I can't run him off ... he understands what friends are and he showed me today.

Good things!
I have a new dishwasher that is PARTLY installed! LOL YEP looking at the good part not the NOT FULLY installed !! YAY ME

I heard my favorite song on the radio today just after the dr and I sang and smiled.. my heart was happy.

The puppy daisy.... lol I typed ditzy for some reason... might be her new name! She went potty outside today no accidents in the house!

I wore my kiss concert shirt and that makes my happy.

It was a hard day.... so this may seem small... but it was a day when I really had to look....

I had hoped to clean today but I ended up taking care of me which it more important but on my list of goals...

I did NOT wear sweats today! AGAIN yay me!

I got out of the house today .... besides going to the doctor AND no one was maimed! GO ME

I am going to count that damn dishwasher as exercise! LOL

I thank each of you for reading... I know that these so far arent that much as to substance... but it will get there...baby steps....