Going back to the old blog

http://mizginasays.blogspot.com/2010/04/hello-again.html

You can find me here!

hmmm

Sam is after me to blog ... so what can I tell you all?

I have been sewing... clothes this time. I find it a bit more trying than sewing quilts but I do still enjoy it. I am going to be a dress form that I can dial my measurements into and then things can fit me better. I have made 2 dresses and a skirt and I have another skirt cut out.

It has been sunny and nice and I find life is more fun and pleasant when that is the case. Unfortunately Saturday it will be rainy and in the 40s. Our normal high for this time of the year is 70.. I am not sure if we have hit that yet or not. This is the never ending winter from Hell for me.

There is small aggravating family stuff going on ... but nothing that is worth the energy to mess with. I guess that is progress me for.

I can going to talk about something that makes me insane though. This time of the year you see people that don't work, or barely work get these huge tax returns on money that they didn't even pay in. You see some (not all) spend it like the have all sorts of money... buying TVs, tattoos.... etc... when they were begging for stuff a few months ago and will be begging again. It makes me crazy that they get to be a burden to society and then are rewarded with money and then they go and buy stuff that the average working person can't afford because we are paying for them.... UGGGHHHH!!! Makes me nutty.

Hmmm what else. I got an iphone and I love it, I spend way way too much time playing words with friends and lexulous. It is a fun toy tho.

Well things are boring and I am happy so I guess there isn't much else to tell you ... except do NOT go see The Green Zone (movie) it stinks!

Ok that is all! lol

Hat parade!!

Drawing the line

I am thankful that God allowed me to have lunch in the sunshine today. I am glad that I was grounded and warm and happy. I am glad that I was in a good and happy place because I had to deal with family issues again.

I told you that I removed all family but one nephew... well the crap hit the fan. Below is my response to the FIRST sister to contact me. I say the FIRST because I KNOW that she will talk to the others and I will have to deal with each one.

Why are we supposed to love our family more than others? Why are we supposed to feel some loyalty to them? Why are we supposed to forgive them more and give them more slack than others?

I mean if you live with them 18-20 years you ought to know them pretty well right, so if you decide as an adult that you don't like them, and if it weren't for sharing parents you wouldnt WANT to know them... is that so wrong?

It has become so clear to me that sharing dna with someone doesn't make them family.

Anyway...... here is how I dealt with the first one...

This is what I sent Pam

Wade said that you wanted to know why I am not talking to you. I haven't stopped talking to you.

I will however be totally honest here. I took off every single family member with the exception of Wade. I decided a while ago that I am not allowing drama in my life anymore. I will not have secrets, backstabbing, tattling and so on.

Frankly the first couple of statuses you had after you got on were... I wish my loved ones could get along! and Some people need to grow up! Now I don't know what was going on ... and I don't want to but I just know that you have all the family on your page and there WILL be drama.

Jami is so hateful to Wade... Beth it pitiful and makes mountains of of mole hills heath wise... jana does nothing but whine... I get 50 million farmville, cafeworld etc a day...

Now why would I WANT this in my life? I had my fill of this when mother was alive ... her legacy lives.

For some reason this family can not be happy, they can not love and trust. They can not support each other... mother made damn sure of that. Even when I think I am having a decent relationship with one of my sisters .... I find that there is STILL backstabbing.

I have worked so far to make a happy life for myself away from the lifestyle that mother and the family had. If that means that I have to limit my exposure to family to be happy then that is what I will do.

I still love you, I am still here. I just don't want all the crap that goes on ....

The role of family and friends

I will be honest I haven't been pouring my heart out in my blogs since I started this one. I guess that last one was just so hurtful that I closed off.

Now part of it is that I don't want to be bogged down in negativity, but I also find that I need a place to put those things and my blog has traditionally been that place. A place that I could say what I needed or wanted to and let it go and get on with my life. I find that at times I still need that.

So this blog will be raw and about my feelings, you were warned.

I love facebook, mostly for the word games that I play with Sheila. It has been fun to reconnect with friends from highschool and to make a few new friends too. Sadly, my family has found me. I set all my privacy settings and still through the "saner" family that I let in ... well they found me. I got friend invites from them. The first one I let in... and almost immediately the status were drama filled. Then I got the other sister's invite and I just flatly ignored it. After some thought I remember all family except Bill, Sam and a nephew. (ON MY SIDE OF THE FAMILY LOL)

Since the two sisters had joined the "online world" there has been family strife. Now I have opted out of it... I don't want it or need it in my life BUT I know it is going on.

So I tell you all of this for a reason.

I honestly don't understand why life can't be stress free among friends and family. Family and friends are supposed to be there to make life easier and better. To add a richness to your days and smiles and laughter.

Sadly my response of cutting out all the drama leaves me with few people in my life. I wonder if I am just too quick to cut it all out or if I just can't handle remaining neutral. I think remaining neutral is always hard... people expect you to take a side... if you don't take theirs then you aren't being supportive or you become an instant enemy.

The one sister than ignored... for a while she was making contact with me... and it was ok... an email here or there. She was separated from her husband and I guess she needed someone. I was that someone. Now she is back with him and doesn't need anyone else. I am not a yo yo.

This sister is the one that went to prison for stealing money.. for 18 months. I have a nephew that is gay. I have to issue with the nephew that is his private business but the sister is so mean and hateful to him... all holier than thou. She calls him a faggot and tells him he is going to hell... conveniently forgetting her own sins.

The nephew seeks my advice and I tell him that he is the one that controls what he lets into his life.... good and bad. I hope that I am not leading him to a lonely life.

Who would have thought that at 42 the people that I am around still act like 12.

Should I open things up and risk drama or should I continue to shut down the drama people? Where on EARTH do I find more DRAMALESS people to be friends with?

Ok, thank you for reading... needed to put this down

Thinking again

This is going to be about my mother, and is not a happy post... but one that I need to write. It isn't bad... just deep.

I have been talking to a family member about my mother and the way she acted and he said it sounded like she had such and such mental issue. Now I totally agree that my mother was mental but I don't think that she had this particular one.

My mother was way too calculating in other areas of her life for this to be the case... in my opinion.

All this that I am telling you is just background.

See now I have to think about ... could she really have had this... and if she did... how does that change how I view her.

It is harder to hate (or dislike) someone that is mentally sick. It is easier to hate someone that made your life miserable because they wanted to.

Am I more inclined to think she was just a witch so that I can continue to heat her... I guess that is where I am on this topic.

Thinking about it... examining it...

My daddy

I got up this morning in a great and happy mood... then I remember that it is the 5 year mark since I lost my daddy. Then I thought about it, and I realized that my daddy wouldn't want me to be all sad... he isn't! He is happy and whole and with the lord!

When my daddy was sick and dying, he said something that tickled me and I laughed, he said that he had forgotten how much I liked to laugh.

So today I am going to honor my daddy by being happy and laughing.

I hope that he hears me....

I miss you Daddy!

Gigglesnorts

So today was my 42nd birthday. The kids came up and J played videos games with Bill and Sam and I went to town...

It started at Kohl's. In the bathroom to be precise.... apparently Sam got a wet seat. LOL So in the quiet of the bathroom she says... Do you ever wonder how the seat gets wet and poop gets on the walls (gross I know). I said I HOPE the poop thing was a child! Then we decided that in order for a woman to get the seat wet that she must spray like a cat... then we laughed about someone marking her territory in a Kohl's bathroom stall!

That is how the day started....

Then we are washing up in the same bathroom and I needed a paper towel... Thinking it was an automatic despenser... I stood there like an idiot waving my hands in front of it.. when Sam reaches over and pushes the bar and I FINALLY get my paper towel.... one of THOSE moments!

Then we are walking through the store ... when we noticed this....



We decided that shirt must cost ALMOST and arm and a leg! Then we got tickled...

We made our way to petsmart next... we looked at the dogs and talked about how you hardly ever see two cats that look alike... and that progressed to... The momma cat is like a gumball machine... the kind that gives out chiclets.. you put in a quarter and you get like 7 pieces of gum.... no two alike. So now momma kitties are gumball machines.... lol

Then we went to target... and we found theses...




So we wore them all through the store the whole time we were there! People looked at us like we were nuts ... but the kids were jealous! So then a man walks up to Sam and says... is it almost Easter? we tell him yes, and when it is... He starts to share his life story with Sam! Apparently ... he likes rabbits... and raised them... expensive ones not the cheap ones (his words) but they kept disappearing... he said he thought it was a hawk but after 10 minutes of his story we decided they ran away from him. Hos daughter comes up and says... oh you are getting the rabbit story. I have to tell you that I am doing my darnest to NOT laugh! Let's just say that it is a good thing I went to potty earlier!

So J's family was at their house over the weekend too and the baby was going through separation anxiety and cried almost the whole time... So we are walking through the book section and all of the sudden there is a baby crying.... sam makes such a face and whips around to discover that someone left a motion sensor doll there... and she set it off... she said she swore she was still hearing Laura lol!

Then there was Sam's choice of clothes... they were ALL the same MAWMAW clothes.... so of course she didn't like anything I picked out! I even tried on a couple of bathing suits... and target is STUPID! That little tag they give you to keep track of the number of garments wont fit on any of the little hooks! So we were past the point of sanity at that point and decided that the only place for them was the floor... which set us off again... but I got so tickled that couldn't stand up straight...which Sam off.. Just one of those silly things that makes no sense later but kills you at the moment...

So we decided that we needed to head home at that point.... we are tired!

I never learn

So my sisters found me on facebook... and I just couldn't ignore their invites... so I added them... well one of them... the other one sam talked me out of adding.... TYVM sam.

The that I did add... immediately stated the drama and insinuating status... in regards to me and sam not adding the other... and just other drama filled crap...

I am removing her... but also I am just going to be scarce on Facebook... you all have my email if you want me and I can play lexulous from my iphone without ever having to get on the page.

Self protection Gina... repeat after me... SELF PROTECTION

Thoughts

I had believed that the direct way was the best way. The no pulling punches, the lay it out and if people didn't like it tough. I believed in honesty and no sugar coating things.

I don't know what I believe anymore.

People don't like to be told the truth. The truth hurts.

In the bible God doesn't pull any punches... he says what he means. He doesn't care if you don't like it. It is His way or hell.

So why as Christians are we supposed to there there none believers? Why are we supposed to ok and accept behaviors that the bible says are wrong?

God of course forgives us, when we repent.

We want those behaviors more than we want God. So we make thinks ok. We say well there is no God. We say... well God loves me anyway.. which is true... BUT he doesn't condone the behavior.

I don't know maybe this is just rambling...

I just think that the direst way is better than back patting...

SUSHI!!!!!!!!!

First off ... Sam you are SOOOO fired! You were supposed to be the photographer... there are no pics of the ingredients... lol goober! So I will show you the best I can...

We made sushi... we did NOT use anything raw... not all sushi is raw! It is however all tasty! LOL



If you want to try your hand at sushi on a small scale... with little work and expense you can get this at walmart... it contains a bowl of sushi rice, soy sauce and a couple of small pieces of nori. It isnt bad.. I keep a couple in the pantry for a fast, healthy snack.




Now you want to do it the more traditional way then you are going to need to make your rice.... you can NOT use regular rice you need sushi rice. It is not oblong, it is almost like little pebbles.


You want to rinse it until the water runs clear then you want equal parts of water and rice.. you cook it the same way as regular rice, heat to boil then turn to low until the water is gone.



While the rice is cooking you want to do the vinegar mixture. In a small saucepan combine 3 tbsp of vinegar, 3 tbsp sugar and 2 tsp of salt and heat until the the salt and sugar dissolve.... do not boil!



Put the rice in a large bowl and add the vinegar mix... work it into the rice



You will need a bamboo sushi mat...



Cover it in plastic wrap...



This is nori... toasted seaweed.... trust me it is tasty!... it is dry, thin, and fragile. The rice will make it pliable.

This is were the girl child is fired.... the stuffing.... we used avacado, cucumber, cooked salmon (left over from the night before) shrimp, and cream cheese. You can use really anything.. I have seen asparagus, carrots, onions.. you name it. You can use any seafood that you want as well. If you like and have access to the raw salmon (or smoked) the raw tuna then by all means do that. We also had soy sauce... we are not fans of wasabi (japanese horseradish --- holy cow that will clear your sinuses!)

Ok so on to the show...



Lay a piece of nori on the mat and add some rice... now this rice is STICKY... I mean REALLY STICKY. You want to be careful to not add too much rice because then you wont me able to roll it once you add the stuffing. It is ok to see little bits of nori under the rice.



Add what you want it your roll.... a word about this... you want small pieces... so if you are using avacado or cucumber slice them thin and like matchsticks.



Now start to make your roll... tuck and roll it in quarter turns. Squeezing it tight as you roll... you want the rice and stuff to all stick together..



One last tuck and roll to round it up...



Tada!!!!!!



Slice it and see how pretty it is!




Now you can also make it rice side out... start with just putting rice on the plastic wrap...



Top the rice with a sheet of nori and the stuffing you want...



Tuck and roll the same as you did with the other one...



Isn't this PRETTY! Good job J and Sam!!



Eat with soy sauce and chopsticks! YUM!

MISC

Sam is fussing at me for not posting lol... I used to post daily and sometimes a couple of times a day. I know it is weird to not hear from me. I guess I just don't have much to say these days....

Let's see what I can tell you. I am still sleeping GREAT... I think that makes such a huge difference is how you can deal with life. I never thought of myself as a person that gets cranky when I was tired... but I see now that I am. LOL that can explain a lot of things...

One of my nephews has been talking to me... he faces many of the same ones I did... I try to talk to him and guide him. I hope that he can learn and avoid some of the things I stumbled through, and even got lost in for a while.

I have really fallen in love with sushi. I can't get enough. Now I am not a person that eats the raw stuff. There is some misconception that ALL sushi is raw fish... not true. I love the cucumber roll and the avocado roll. The wasabi encrusted roll with salmon. I love the shrimp rolls... I am willing to try most things once. I started to crave it ... I realized that what I was really craving was the Nori! lol the seaweed. THAT is what I was wanting... Anyway so rather than eat out all the time... it is expensive... I am learning to make my own. Rolling it is ... challenging. lol Sam and J are coming over tomorrow and Sam and I are going to make some... We are planning to do a blog on it... looking forward to it. I might even pop into the bookstore and get a book on making sushi...

I am going to go meet Sam for lunch in a bit, there is a place down there that is a big salad place... should be fun. I try to get down there once a week to have lunch, we have so much fun together and giggle and be girls. I am thankful that the little girl I raised turned into a young woman that is my best friend and that I want to spent time with. That is how it should be.

The house has been decluttered and cleaned and is now on a maintenance schedule .... not much to do on that anymore. It was a big job, but I actually kind wish there was more to do .... lol sick I know.

It is so nice here, 60's and sun... so much better than last week and the snow. They are talking about more snow next week. There is something SOOO wrong with this winter! SERIOUSLY.

I am for the most part happy and in a calm place... I look back about a month and see how far I have come... it was a climb to get back to a good place but it was worth it.

I am looking 42 in the face in a little over a week.... age has never bothered me. It doesn't affect how I feel, I don't even think about it much except this time of the year. The number doesn't mean anything ... especially where maturity is concerned... lol

I guess that is really all that I have to tell right now... lol life is good and a little boring right now.. it is a good thing!

Hello!

Well I haven't blogged in many days.... probably the longest time between blogs since I started blogging years ago.

Maybe it is a good thing, I don't have as many things that I need to write about. Maybe I am just dealing with things better...

I cleaned out two of the last remaining rooms of the house yesterday... the junk room and the other computer room. My sitting room is full of junk to haul to the dump. So much stuff accumulates over time ... just junk that you should toss at the time but don't for some reason. Well it is going away ... hopefully today if more of the snow melts.

Which brings us to the snow... 15 inches out here... insanity. I have never in my almost 42 years seen that much snow. It is lovely but confining... I am not good confined! I don't always want to leave the house... but I want the option! lol

So I got out and went to get a tea at sonic yesterday and a couple of things at the store, it wasn't slick just deep, it was a new experience and I will say give me tons of snow over ice any day.

It was so white, and bright and clean that my eyes hurt. Made me think about how He will wash our sins white as snow....

That made me think... you can see a place that is a total dump and cover it in snow and it is postcard beautiful. It just covers ALL the ugly.

It is funny because I saw the slush and sand ... and I thought about how we as humans try to deal with stuff and how all we do is make a nasty mess... and what a stark difference that slush is to that beautiful white snow.

Those piles of nasty sand and mud is our sin, and the snow is his blood and forgiveness... and you just get such an amazing image and I think that God gives us these moments just so that we can understand a tiny bit of what He sees....


By the way that picture was taken at about 6 inches of snow, it snowed for hours after that!

dreary

We have had so many days of rain, snow and just cloudiness that I have seriously forgotten what the sunshine looks like. Right now my yard is a lake. It is cold and gray. Leaving the house is a pain in the butt. Frankly it is depressing. It has been months of this. Last year it rained 1 out of every 3 days.. that isn't counting the days that were merely cloudy with no rain. We are not used to this and I don't think most of us are equipped to handle it.

Trying to housebreak a puppy in this weather is almost impossible. Speaking of impossible... keeping the floors clean.... muddy prints everywhere .. I can wear myself out by mopping every time they go outside or I am live with the mess. After all the hard work to clean the house leaving the floor a mess is trying.... sigh

I am frustrated about my health. I feel like it is starting to slip. I am anemic again... so I take iron supplements ... those make my sick to my stomach... cramping even.... then constipation. So I take a laxative to help with that. I take medicines for allergies that dry me out which causes muscle cramps... so I have to take muscle relaxers for that. It is exhausting, and those are just 2 things... there are others that I won't take the time to tell you.

I feel like after 4 years of this my body is depleted. That any extra vitamins or minerals that I had in stores in my body have been used up.

I need to work on my health. I really do eat healthy. I just don't know what else to do. I have fatigue that is off the charts. The cold makes me want to just sit here by the heater all day.

In the last week I have thrown up 4 times.... eating things that I normally eat... not sure what is going on with that either.....

So today I feel low. It is not my depression, it is just feeling down. There is a difference. Feeling beat down and exhausted. I will admit that I wonder if it is worth it... all the medicines and vitamins and the fighting to keep everything up and working...

Sorry this one is a downer but I needed to get it out.

Girl Scout Cookies

When I was in the 5th grade I was a girl scout. We sold cookies for about 2 weeks. We each got a little carry box, and in that box was an assortment of 12 boxes. We took our best friend and we went door to door and sold cookies. If someone wanted a box you didnt have or more of a certain cookie, you wrote it down. When you got home you called your leader and you got the cookies that wanted and took it back to them the next day. We had an envelope to put the money in and they were 50 cents a box.

That year I sold the most cookies in our troop ... I got a certificate. I sold 75 boxes.

This year I get accosted every time I go to town. Mothers are selling them, sometimes there isnt even a little girl around! They have everything you want... boxes and boxes of them. The girls aren't selling those cookies! Can they even know how many each girl sold?

See after 30 odd years I remember that number and that certificate and the pride of having done it myself....

Do you think this girls will look back in the future and remember that as fondly? Some how I doubt it...

struggling

I guess the way the last blog ended has left such a bad taste in my mouth that I have been hesitant to write much about anything that isnt sunshine and roses.

The last few days have been neither.

For the last few day.... 5-6 I have had shoulder pain. It is muscular, but it brings me to tears.. the act of trying to hold it in a way that doesnt hurt is causing the pain to and muscle pain to spread. Sleep at night isnt easy. I have tried all I can... so I am going to the dr in a few mins.

I love the new medicine.... I DO sleep and I mean deep and if I dream I don't remember. However, I am having almost nightly leg cramps ... my shins, in the calf and thighs. I have done everything that has been suggested.. I am drinking Gatorade, taking supplements .... you all of it... no dice. I can't say it is related to the new med... but it does have a drying effect.

Day before yesterday we put down our oldest dog. She was 16 years old... a lab. The vet said she was ANCIENT. She was on borrowed time, we just couldn't bring ourselves to do it before now. She had heart worms, she was deaf, I don't believe she saw very well. She had those fatty tumors, and arthritis. Tuesday she just wasn't strong enough to hold herself up anymore.

We got her when she was 8 weeks old, we went into a feed store to get a lawn mower blade sharpened and came out with the cutest dog ... she smelled like peppermint! (it was her flea collar) she was a great dog. I can tell you that in her whole life she spent less than a month away from us. I was the last thing she felt, heard or saw as she closed her eyes and went to join our other pets at the rainbow bridge.

I am struggling a little... sadness over Gracie, but also the shoulder pain is exhausting. It is cold and rainy ... so things are harder right now.

I am going to set up blood work for next week.... I am bruising like crazy. I am due for the yearly work up.

So that is it...

All the emotions

I went through old pictures this weekend and scanned many of them. I ran the gamut of emotions. This one of my Granny made me smile.



This one stung by heart just a little. I miss my daddy.

This one made me a little sad, and regretful that things are the way they are. That is my sister Jami.


This one made me smile... my Daddy on the Mississippi River... he was so young and SKINNY! lol


This one makes me wonder.. were my parents ever happy together...


This is Bill and I in high school when we were just dating.... it makes me remember happy times...



This one makes me happy that is Sam at a few days old.


I LOVE this picture.. Daddy and Sam... He worshipped her.




This one made me giggle ... something tells me I spent a good deal of time in that playpen.


These two pictures.... oh ... the make my wonder. When you look at them it looks like my mother just loves me to pieces... and I wonder if she did. I wonder what happened and why things went so very different... I just wonder...

I have to admit that I am a little sad and down after the pictures... I am aware of it and I wont wallow for long I just needed to get it out there.

a lazy sunday

Well the heater started to work yesterday! YAY!

Sam and I baked and drank ... lol she had some sort of raspberry wine, and I had a grape smirnoff which was pretty darn tasty... like a grape soda didn't taste alcohol at all.

We made chocolate chip cookies and another round of peanut butter. We then make tacos for supper and breakfast burritos of the next weeks breakfast.

J and Bill played the 360, and we all watched a movie.

LOL sam and J got to give a couple of very muddy puppies a bath!

Bill caught me and Sam dancing in the kitchen.....lol it is funny...

A day that started out trying ended up being a great day. I have learned and know myself pretty well.. I could have EASILY let yesterday just totally stink... but I made the choice to be happy and have fun.... and I did.

I was wore out at bedtime lol and slept like the dead from 10 to 4 ... then got up a while... cleaned up the house watched an old movie and then went back to bed for ... 2.5 hours I LOVE the medicine and that sleep... so restful and deep...I truly feel better than I have in years.

I may work in the extra room today... it was not on my list of areas to clean as it is were all Bill's stuff is.... but it is a pigsty.

We had some ice and a lot of rain.... so the floor really needs to be mopped but I debate doing it over and over when it is still muddy outside.....

My shoulder is still knotted up... hopefully it will feel better in a while.

So I can't say I have tons planned today... but it is going to be a great day no matter what I decided to do...

I will put up a goofy picture of me.. I figure I owe Sam lol... look me as a blonde .... it later turned reddish brown... odd huh?

A test of patience....

I am glad once again that I have a couple of weeks of doing better behind me as today so far has been.... a challenge.

I was up from 3:30 to 4:30 this morning with a cramp in my shoulder muscle...the one that runs from the neck and across the back of the shoulder.. that was new and quite the experience let me tell you. I am having issues maintaining water in my body... I bought gatorade which I hate.. this morning and I will drink it to take care of my body.

I took the old truck into have it inspected and turned on the wipers to see them just fall apart... so I had to go get new ones. Since I didn't think ... and remember that this is the last sat of the month the line was long... but I am stubborn and waited it out even though it didn't have to be done today. My reward was that they had real heaters in there.. I don't mean these electric jobs I mean FLAMES... I roasted myself like was on a spit! SOMETHING GOOD!

I got home to realize that is was 60 degrees in my house... we are in the middle of a very cold snap. After resetting the breaker and all that good stuff it still didnt work. I thought perhaps it was the thermostat so I drove 25 miles to the local Home Depot to get a new one... came home wired it up and still doesnt work. I now know what is wrong with it and will be ordering it online.... Sadly today it is a high of 33 and a only have space heaters... I don't want to run off and leave the animals in the cold so I will tough it out here. I go have a kerosene heater that will heat pretty good .. but I need a wick and that is 18 miles away at the man mall.

I don't think I can stand another trip out in the cold and tonight will be in the teens. I have plenty of blankets and quilts and animals lol we will huddle.

So I am trying to stay focused today on the good... because it feel like I am being poked with a pitch fork.

The kids are on the way and we will hang out ...

misery

I have worked really hard the last two weeks to pull myself up out of the pit. I have worked on mental, emotional, physical and attitude. I have worked on focus, and outlook. I have made my way to a happy place.

I am glad that I am here because I have come up against my sister. My older sister. She has always been this way... but she has a way of dragging me down...

She is just so "put upon" ... the world is screwing her. She had the worst luck, according to her. She is a constant pity party. No one is as bad off as she is. She just sucks all the happiness and light out of the world around her...

You know it was just a message on facebook... but it just for a few minutes drug me back to the pit....

I recovered in a matter of minutes... I have never thought that world screwed me or anything like that but I was really sad for a while... I saw her in such a bright light... I felt sorry for her. Not so much because of how she viewed life... because she COULD change that. I felt sorry for her because she LIKES it that way, she doesn't want to change or to be happy. That makes me sad.

I always want to be a BETTER me. I want to be the best me I can be...

I don't know... just thinking I guess

My day

In the last week.... coming here and stating my plans and then coming back at night and posting the day has helped pull me up out of the hole I was in. I feel I am so much happier and more stable. I know it is a combo or several things. I am grateful for them all.

Today I went through the house and straightened up and mess and vacuumed, I am telling you I have vacuumed more in the last week than I have in the last 3 months! lol

I cooked today... it was nice. I made meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, roasted asparagus and peach cobbler. I really have trouble eating meatloaf, so I ate the veggies. My son in law loves my meatloaf and seemed very happy that there were a few pieces left for him to make meatloaf sandwiches. I went all the left overs come with the kids... they will eat it and I won't. It was nice to cook in a clean and well organized kitchen! I loved it.

I bought a new comforter for the bed in my room... the cats seem to like it... lol I put the flannel sheets back on because it is about to turn cold again... ice on Friday. I will be stuck in the house.... and I admit I am a little worried how it will affect me... but I will keep looking for the good and happy things... and if I feel the need to I will post them here. Right now I am in a happy place and see so much good that I don't feel the need to post it.

I wanted to tell you about the asparagus... omg it was so good. My only experiences with it was canned or steamed (the bag you buy with sauce) and I loved those. I had never bought the fresh stuff. I didn't even know what to do with it. E from the room was talking about how she does hers... snap off the ends, wash them, blot dry and put in a gallon baggie. Pour in a little bit of olive oil, fine sea salt, and she did lemon pepper ... I didn't do the lemon pepper. Roll the asparagus around in the baggie until it is all coated... put in a baking dish and bake at 400 for 20 mins.... SO SO GOOD!

Sam and J brought over the sister to my puppy... they are so cute together... it was a herd of dogs.... 5 of them, 2 of them puppies.

My back is still really tender from the moving stuff and cleaning... I am bruised from head to toe as well. I think I need a day of rest. In fact I think that tomorrow I will go through the house and straighten up, then I have to go to town to get the licensed tags for the truck and pick of some meds.... but then I think I am going to be lazy. I think I earned that.

Ok that is an accounting of my day. I think that now I am on solid enough ground that maybe my posts will be most ... from my thoughts on things and less a list of the accomplishments. Thank you all for tossing me a rope to use to climb out with....

Sam.... LMAO

Wednesday's plan

Well the house is clean... cleaner than it has been in a while. I admit as I sit here, that I feel a little weird not having a list of things to clean.

The kids are coming for supper tonight and so I have that to work on. I am making meatloaf, bread, mashed potatoes, baked asparagus and corn. With peach cobbler. I need to run to the store too.

It is going to turn off cold and wet with possible ice on Friday... yuck not looking forward to that at all.

I am propped up in bed there is a kitty on the bed with me and one on the cedar chest... I love my cats... they are peaceful. I am thankful for them.

I will have to think of more things to keep me out of trouble! lol

Have a great day!

Sam and Winnie the Pooh!

How it went....

The house is CLEAN.... I have finished all I had planned to do in the house.

I did my car too...

I did my closet....

I did laundry..

I ate semi healthy today... and cleaning was truly exercise. My body is bruised and sore.

I did all the things that I do each day... hair, makeup, etc

I am out of stuff to clean. Now I am not sure what to do. All week long I had a plan.

So now what?

I guess it is time to get on the exercise and get that into my day. I am going to go back to the first post and look at my list of goals and take stock.

I also am going to work out a weekly schedule to clean what when... that way I get up with something planned to do. I realized that I need that in my life.

Today was a great day! I am happy and content. Lots of smiles and thankfulness now. I feel that I don't need to list them anymore. Contentment is a gift from God.

I will go to bed tonight proud of myself and my accomplishments this week.

Like my little Brownie?

Tuesdays plan of attack

It is 5:17 am and I have been up since 4. I woke up rested and ready to get up. It doesn't appear to be insomnia based, I think I am just rested for the first time in ages.

I have already cleaned out the living room end tables, cleaned all the ceiling fans, cleaned out all the litter boxes and cleaned out the dishwasher.

The dishwasher is GREAT by the way it has a 4 hour delay so I load it at night and it runs on its own while I sleep!

So what to do today?

I am going to clean the master bath, wash (hand) the new delicate underthings I have bought lately, finish my closet.

I am have to go to the store for some groceries.

I am going to set up a cleaning schedule .... things that I need to do each day, and I will clean one room a day in addition to the normal daily things.

"I will get up, get dressed up and show up."

My back is quite painful so I doubt that there will be any exercise other than the cleaning.... but with the way I feel ... I am getting PLENTY of exercise lol

I will look for something to make me smile... you know this one is so easy now!

I will look for something to be thankful for... again SO easy now.

It has been a week since I grabbed hold of my life and took control and I am so glad I did and the things that were so hard at the beginning are easier.

I find that I just feel better about me now, and I know that making myself good presentable every day is huge part of that.

I had never really been one to plan to clean and set it in a blog for the day... but you know what this is helping me so much. I like coming back at night and saying what I accomplished. It holds me accountable. If I get up and KNOW what I am going to do today, it makes it harder to sit on my rear end all day.

I was going to weigh myself this morning for kicks... I am not hungry and I am an active tornado. My jeans are getting lose. The battery was dead in the scale... perhaps that is a good thing....

What are YOU doing today?

Wasn't sam cute?! Kindergarten stick horse rodeo... love you sambo

Monday night....

Well time to take stock of the day....

I cleaned and rearranged the bedroom... omg the bed is heavy... my back is whining a bit now. I scrubbed and vacuumed top to bottom.

I cleaned out my car and ran it through the car wash ... sadly it didn't do a very good job so I will do it again the next pretty day.

I intend to bathe the puppy before bed too...

Tshirts that sam and I ordered came in ... they say... kthxbai... lol from I can haz cheezburger. We are excited. Make me smile...

I bought a couple of fun songs that I like so that was a good thing.

I copped out and had stouffers lasagna for supper.. not that healthy but tasty non the less lol

I worked really really hard today... I am tired... but there is a contentedness that comes from that and it makes me happy.

Yep that is sam and her dad... lol

Value and the plan....

This kinda ties in with the what others think of you isn't your business... that is still ricocheting in my brain.

Why do we let others determine our SELF value? I have let this happen. We determine what we are worth from how others treat us. If someone doesn't treat us with respect then we spend time wondering... why? If someone doesn't love us we start to wonder if we are unlovable. If someone just plain doesn't like us then we wonder if we have a character flaw.

Now there is a saying that people treat you the way you allow them to treat you and that is true.. but only after you are sure of your own self worth.

We need to stop this, and to know that while none of us are perfect .... having someone approve of us isn't that important.

Love yourself .... God does. He is the only one that you need approve from.

LOL reminds me of a saying... I me and I'm good cause God don't make no junk! ... something to ponder today....

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I was right about the Tanna and the leg cramps. Yesterday I had to declog the vacuum and I stirred up a lot of dust. I had my allergies in an uproar and I knew that I hadn't had a Tanna in several days so I took one at bedtime... sure enough I was up walking off leg cramps... AND I was half asleep... lol not a good combo. From now on I will just take a plain old benadryl for allergies thankyouverymuch!

I confess I ate junk yesterday while the games were on... I did eat raw veggies and dip. I also ate a bit of pizza, a couple of wings and some girl scout cookies... I can tell by how I feel this morning. This is the proof that I needed, that I was on the right track with the good food.

I did work hard yesterday morning...

I did veg out in warm ups all day... but I did do my hair! lol

I had a lot of laughs while watching the game ... and I have some cigars to buy lol

It was a good day!

__________________________________________________

Ok today's game plan

DRINK WATER to get rid of the cramps and rehydrate myself... and throw out the Tanna... this also means I get to eat something salty woohooo lol

I am going to clean ( wow I typed kill... hmmm analysis anyone? lol) my bedroom... maybe rearrange it IF I am srong enough to move the headboard. This room is a big job, drawer to go through and all that ... so that is all the cleaning I had planned I expect it will take up a good deal of the day. I need to do something with my clothes... they are everywhere and I have a LOT of them... and shoes too lol

I will "get up", "get dressed up", and "show up" (hair makeup and clothes! lol)

I will eat healthy and consider the bedroom my exercise....

I will cook something wonderful for supper....

I have a list of small things that need to be done, so I will work on that list too.

I will love and be nice to me, "I" will set my own value.

I will give thanks for the day... and smile and focus on the good stuff!

What's on tap for you today?

Today's picture is of Sam on a trip to Mexico... she had her hair cornrolled for the week and had just taken it down before we went home.... cracks me up. I love you pumpkin princess!

Press on

This is a song called Press On... by Billy Spague and those that know me will know how this song related to me...

I was down in the valley

Of the shadow of death

Where the passion for life

Drained like blood from my chest

And it took more than my will just to

Take a step

When the compass of hope

Was gone



In a silence so black

That I wished for the blues

Every desperate prayer

Seemed like Heaven refused

And some days I found faith meant just

Tyin' my shoes

And it was

All I could do

To press on



Press on me amigo

Press on mon ami

Walk on in the face

Of the mystery

Though the night hides the light

Through the darkness still dawn...

Tie your shoes, my dear friend

And press on



(Walk on)



On the ocean so lonesome I was not left on

Had some heavenly friends

When my heart was a stone

And they carried my heartache and

Made it their own

When the current of sorrow

Was strong

(and one said)

"I pray your memories will not drag you down

Not be anchors but treasures

Of the love that you've found"

And His kind words turned hurt into comfort somehow

And the wind in my sails

To press on



So press on me amigo

Press on mon ami

Walk on in the face

Of the mystery

Though the night hides the light

And the journey is long...

Lean on me, my dear friend

And press on



Though the days seem like years...

There may be giants in our fears...

Ah, but they who are sowin' tears

They shall reap in joy

They shall run and leap for joy!



So press on me amigo

Press on mon ami

Walk on in the face

Of the mystery...



(...)



Though the night hides the light

And the journey is long...

Lean on me, my dear friend

And press on me amigo

Press on mon ami

Walk on in the face

Of the mystery

Though the night hides the light

And the journey is long...

Tie your shoes, my dear friend

And press on!

Sunday game plan

Well at 7:30 I sat down at the computer.

I got up at 5 after sleeping like a rock, I can't tell you how much I am LOVING that sleep. It just makes LIFE better. Things are so much easier to deal with... the urge to stab people is ALMOST gone lol!

So what have I been doing this morning... well

I cleaned the entry way.... which contains a cabinet, a curio cabinet, a bookcase and the birds! Top to floor.... cleaned even the bird cage!

I turned what was the sewing room into a sitting room and scrubbed it down ... it has an entertainment type bookcase so I wiped down all the knick knacks and straightened them up... I moved all the furniture around and moved the sewing stuff to a spare room which will become the sewing/craft room eventually. Not sure if you can tell ... but sitting down and being still for long enough to sew isnt going to happen right now.

I cleaned the laundry room... top to floor, there are shelves and a counter in there and a sink along with the washer and dryer... wiped everything down and put stuff in the cabinets above the washer and dryer.

The rest of the day you ask? Well I will tell you....

I got a new scanner yesterday and I will spend some time scanning photos today, then I will maybe go get some wings to eat while the games are on.

I have a "date" to watch the games with yoda today... lol we have a bet... he thought of the rules and stakes... why do I think I am in trouble? lol Something tells me he is going to be getting his cigars next week.... lol

I am giving myself the permission to veg out in sweats today... I have already worked hard today.

I am still craving water.... I am on my 4th big glass already this morning.

hmmm ok I think that is it for now... Already this is a GREAT day!

The picture makes me smile... that is my daddy when he was younger and was james cool!